Washington, D.C. - I don't think there is anyone in America who hasn't been exposed to the devolving, salacious story about Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh and his sex accuser Christine Blasey Ford. I remember when only presidential assassins and serial killers were always referred to by three names. But, I digress. Not since the Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton 2016 presidential campaigns, has there been more media attention devoted to a man and woman locked in deadly combat. You just can't avoid hearing about this story in gory detail, no matter where you go. It's far from over.
Over the weekend, after 5 deadlines were missed, and countless wranglings back and forth between the Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley and Christine Blasey Ford's lawyers, it appears she is willing to testify on Thursday. Many of the details and demands of how the proceedings will be conducted had not yet been finalized or revealed to the public.
Late Sunday night, Michael Avenatti, the so-called "Creepy Porn Lawyer", who represents President Trump's accuser, Stormy Daniels, said he had "significant evidence" that Brett Kavanaugh was guilty of other sexual misconduct. Piling on, the New Yorker magazine reported that a Yale classmate of Kavanaugh claimed he exposed himself to her at a college party. Kavanaugh strongly denied that claim as a "smear'.
In a stunning announcement, Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee proclaimed: "We have had enough! We have gone overboard trying to accommodate Christine Blasey Ford and her attorneys in arranging a fair hearing. Now, with even more allegations and women coming out against Brett Kavanaugh, it's time we settle this once and for all!"
At this time, details of the Thursday confrontation are a bit sketchy, but this is what is known so far. The Thursday hearing has been moved from the U. S. Capital building to New York City's Madison Square Garden to accommodate a larger audience. With nicknames like "The Mecca" and "The World's Most Famous Arena" it has been home to some of the greatest fighting spectacles in history. Only this time the gloves will be off.
Rules for the hearing, "match", are as follows. A boxing ring, regulation 20 square feet, will be erected in the middle of the arena. The first sex accuser and any another accusers who come forward, will have 3 minutes each to stand in the middle of the ring and defame, libel, slander, malign, smear, vilify, besmirch, disparage, denigrate, and discredit Judge Kavanaugh. In turn, Judge Kavanaugh will have an equal 3 minutes to desperately try and defend himself. There will be 12 rounds each for all combatants. Since it appears that the next Supreme Court Justice will be decided by mob rule, the winner of each round will be judged by the audience attending the event. An applause meter will record which side the audience chooses as victor of the rounds.
At the end of the contest, in the event there is a tie or split decision, combatants will be given the opportunity to challenge Judge Kavanaugh to a mud wrestling match. Winner takes all. It hasn't been decided if Judge Kavanaugh will have to wrestle all his accusers simultaneously or each one in succession. However, it has been decreed Judge Kavanaugh will have to have his hands tied behind his back so he won't grope any woman by mistake.
Needless to say, even though the Madison Square Garden venue hasn't been widely publicized yet, ticket sales are already going through the roof, some front row seats selling for a million dollars or more. Las Vegas odds makers and bookies are saying bets may exceed a billion dollars. Broadcast networks are already salivating at the prospect of airing the event live and the corresponding advertising revenues. Viewership should easily surpass the Super Bowl with more than 100 million.
Buckle up buttercup.
