Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Thursday, 16 August 2018

BERKELEY, CA. Left Coast community organizer Etaoin Shrdlu. long time leader of a Berkeley anti-fascist protest movement, expressed outrage today when he saw the list of 10 critics of President Donald Trump who have been threatened with loss of their security clearances.

Speaking from the Mario Savio steps at the University of California's Berkeley campus, he enthralled a huge crowd of cheering students. "I've denounced Donald Trump more frequently and far more venomously than John Brennan, whose security clearance Trump cancelled, and in words infinitely more derogatory than any of the others on Trump's list."

When a reporter asked Shrdlu if he actually had a security clearance and why someone so radical would have one if he did, the 70-year-old graduate student, who has been enrolled here since the Free Speech Movement of the 1960s, hedged. "I have a variety of security clearances but I prefer not to discuss them."

"Yeah," shouted a "Unite the White" heckler, "they secure the door before you arrive, and if you still get in they clear the air with disinfectant when you leave."

Another dubious onlooker, linked to a rival group of activists, suggested in an easily audible voice, that Shrdlu might actually be an FBI informant who never held a job but always seemed to have money for beer.

Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, the president's press agent, told a reporter in Washington later in the day that Trump wasn't sure who Shrdlu is but thought he might be head of the typographical union.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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