Douche Bag Pays For Stupid Shit With A Credit Card

Funny story written by Wesley Janson

Saturday, 28 July 2018


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Snapperville, Iowa. Dick Head, Fuck Face, and Jerk Off. These were just a few words that were used to describe local snot rag, Ryan Skepper, 24, who used a credit card at a gas station to pay for an ice cream cone, a bag of Cheetos, and a bottle of Gatorade.

With five people waiting impatiently in line behind him, Ryan kept fumbling with his credit card to get it out of his pocket before he had trouble swiping it through the machine. At that particular moment, he also nonchalantly began having a conversation with the cashier about how funny the situation was.

"I guess I do things like that because I'm a douche bag," Ryan told reporters. "I also feel entitled to everything, and I want my friends to think I'm cool."

The puke-inducing, toilet-seat licking, hopeless 'pile of shit' further stated that pulling 5 dollars out of his wallet would have been an inconvenience.

"Did you know that there is a 'convenience' in every 'inconvenience'?" Ryan laughed happily as his father was just down the street holding up an entire line at the DMV talking about his life story while his grandfather was at Wal-Mart in Aisle 7 searching for his medication with 23 people standing behind him.

With the smell of marijuana reeking heavily in the air, Ryan then looked outside and waved to his heavily-tattooed, 22-year-old, 6-month-pregnant, angry-looking girlfriend as well as their three children who were sitting in the back seat.

Lead reporter, Tom Steiner, asked Ryan how he actually supports his family.

"I don't know, we just take one day at a time," Ryan stated. "We drink whiskey, we smoke, we fight, and we fuck. It's pretty simple," he said.

"We also quit every job we have and abuse the unemployment system. That's how I got a credit card," he further added.

With very serious concern, the news team secretly tried to follow Ryan back home so that they could perhaps report the situation to Social Services....

but they got stuck behind an old, retired couple that was driving 5 miles per hour while happily looking at trees and enjoying the local scenery.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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