Werewolf Arrested For Eating Too Many People

Written by mikewadestr

Saturday, 30 June 2018

image for Werewolf Arrested For Eating Too Many People
I'm going to eat you.

Amicable werewolf, Lonnie Howling, had a wicked penchant for eating people. His favorite type of cuisine was a plate of raw Democrat which he dined on at least once a day.

Unlike other werewolves, who transform whenever there is a full moon in the sky, Lonnie transforms whenever there is a cloudless sunny day, which happens quite a lot. It is only during these transformations that Lonnie dines on people.

His like for Democrats is due to the content of their physiology. Apparently, Democrats have softer more tasteful meat in them while the Republican meat is coarse and gamey. He, also, likes the idea of luring Democrats to him by shouting out the phrase: “I know how to impeach Trump”.

After many complaints about Mr. Howler’s behavior he was finally arrested by the Capital Police who found him dining on Chuck Schumer and charged him with disorderly eating, a misdemeanor. The arrest greatly jeopardized Howler’s job as a capital security check point guard due to the fact that a conviction would cause him to lose his secret clearance which is pertinent to his job performance.

His lawyer, Edward Meisterfibber spoke on Howler’s behalf. “Mr. Fowler’s civil and constitutional rights have been violated. All this will come to light during due process by a trial by a jurist. Mr. Howler’s only sin was acting like a werewolf. The civil rights act of 1965 states: People cannot be discriminated against because of race,and it is apparent that Mr. Howler is of the race werewolf".

“He has a voracious appetite when he’s transformed. Just because he favors Democrats more than Republicans does not make this a political issue it should be bipartisan”.

The House of Representatives as well as the Senate are greatly divided on the arrest. Republicans are fine with it as they have reached a super majority in both houses due to the large number of open seats for the Democrats. The president is even considering a pardon.

As of press time it was learned that Lonnie Howler ate his lawyer, Edward Meisterfibber when he found out that he was a Democrat.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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