Chimpanzee Plastic Surgeon Team Killed While Performing Face Lift

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Sunday, 17 June 2018

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BILLINGSGATE POST: How can anyone forget the story about the couple who were viciously attacked by two chimps while innocently eating cake with their son Moe, celebrating his 39th birthday. Moe, who was an iconoclast by nature, shared living quarters with two very bad dudes at a California animal sanctuary.

By all accounts, St. James Davis and his wife, LaDonna, loved Moe like a son. Like most parents they taught him all the normal things that children need to know. According to the Los Angeles Times, they potty trained him, taught him how to dress himself and take a shower. On the surface, not an unusual upbringing. The first inkling that Moe was different from other little boys was in 1998 when he bit a policeman. Then in 1999 he bit off a women's finger and was moved to a sanctuary for rehabilitation. Wisely, because he was made aware that his next offense could put him away for life under California's dreaded Three Strikes Law, he cleaned up his act and was allowed parental visitation rights.

Alas, this beautiful birthday party was interrupted before Moe could blow out the candles. Two chimps, Buddy and Ollie, attacked Mr. Davis, who sustained horrific injuries. Ironically, both chimps were Board Certified Plastic Surgeons with many Hollywood clients. They had an excellent reputation and were known as "Plastic Surgeons for the Stars." Mr. Davis had part of his face ripped off, losing his nose, lips and right eye. He also lost all of his fingers and part of his right foot and right hand. Despite these handicaps, he is still hanging on to his life. Showing at least some chivalry, they only chomped off LaDonna's left thumb.

During the attack Mr. Davis tried to reason with the belligerent chimps but they didn't listen. Even though he asked, "Can't we all just get along?" Buddy and Ollie just kept on their chomping rampage, not stopping until shot to death by a sanctuary guard during the attack.

Despite the mauling, Ms. Davis still believes in the goodness of chimps, saying that she will keep loving chimpanzees. "You can't discriminate. We don't know about their background or childhood," she said. Gloria Allred, the couples attorney, called the chimp attack "ironic" because of the Davises' love for the animals. Allred also said that her clients have not decided if they will pursue legal action following the attack.

Moe, although he did nothing to protect his parents, played no part in the attack and was not charged. This is a TRUE story. Only Moe's name was changed to protect his rights as a chimpanzee.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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