Hillary Groundhog Day Proclaimed

Funny story written by JennyNorthStar

Wednesday, 13 September 2017


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Now that Hillary Clinton is back in the news with a vengeance, promoting her new book "What Happened", it's obvious to everyone what Hillary has been doing for the last year: Reliving Wednesday, November 9, 2016, over and over again. Just like "Groundhog Day", a 1993 American comedy film, starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell, where Murray plays an arrogant person finding himself caught in a time loop repeating the same day.

Since the presidential election Hillary wakes up each morning, and to her amazement, finds she is not sleeping in the White House's President's Bedroom. All her clocks, stopped at around 5:16 p.m., close to the time before she had to call Donald Trump to concede the election. Obviously, she had thrown every clock in her home against the walls before making the call. Of course, Bill isn't there in the bed next to her. He's out banging bimbos. She quickly turns on the news casts - hoping to see different election returns. Instead more Trump news. She frantically checks her email. No email. How can that be? She mumbles to herself "I used to get thousands of emails daily." "Maybe I shouldn't have switched my IT support to Imran Awan, Debbie Wasserman Schultz's mysterious Pakistani IT guy (now wanted for fraud)". In Hillary's last desperate attempt to gain some sanity to her now insane world, she checks her new Clinton Foundation Bank deposits: None. Reliving this every day, day after day, must be excruciatingly painful.

In sympathy to Hillary Clinton and her dilemma, the U.S. Congress has just announced an unanimous vote to proclaim November 9th, Hillary Groundhog Day. This replaces the previous Groundhog Day which was celebrated on February 2. Hillary Groundhog Day has been declared a National holiday. All federal and state government offices will be closed in remembrance. If it is cloudy on that day and someone sees Hillary, know that it's going to be one long, frigid winter.

In honor of Hillary Groundhog Day, many of the states in which Hillary won, such as New York and Virginia, have announced they will be tearing down all Confederate statues and replacing them with Hillary Clinton monuments. This seems only fitting, since the last greatest loss in American history has been eclipsed by Hillary's defeat by the Trumpster. In fact, I'm sure more tears have been shed after Hillary's loss than after the Civil War. Hillary Clinton admirers, feminist groups, and Antifa have already scheduled candlelight vigils, where wreathes, flowers, and old Clinton emails will be placed at the foot of the new monuments. Groups sponsoring the events have stated that crying towels and tissues will be provided, including various leftover Clinton 2016 campaign memorabilia. Sponsors said please bring your own knitted Pussy Power Hats.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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