Whilst his magnificent benevolent eminence was on his Tour of Compassion in Texas he spent most if his air time boasting that his inauguration crowds were bigger than Hurricane Harvey.
Trump.com™ told the world that Harvey was really really really big, but not as big as him in a tweet not long after the pardon of 129 serial killers. He bragged that the Hurricane won't effect him because his crowds were way bigger than any Hurricane.
RentACrowd™ were asked as to whether they had been payed to send a crowd to Texas to support his most benevolent eminence? They said that this was simply the free will of the people expressing their unbound joy at his wonderfulness.
However some reports were reaching the media that in fact crucial flood relief supplies were off-loaded to get the RentACrowd™ workers to Texas for the photo-opp. They won't be taking part in relief efforts but have also commandeered many return buses to ensure that Trump.com™ RentACrowd™ workers get first priority.
The more liberal commentators were asking the obvious question - Who cares about crowd sizes anyway? Isn't the suffering Texans a more important issue? The Whitehouse™ responded by saying that criticism of out beloved eminence is unamerican and not permitted and the height of Melanie's stiletto heals are irrelevant.
