New bicycle ride service beats Uber and Lyft

Funny story written by Aspartame Boy

Friday, 30 June 2017

image for New bicycle ride service beats Uber and Lyft
"The Streak" on the way to pick up a four hundred pound fare with his double-cross bar curb hopping bike

Phoenix, AZ - According to WedG spokes-person, Streck "The Streak" Baque, WedG's new bicycle ride service is much cheaper that Uber or Lyft. Customers sit on the crossbar. Customers have a choice of facing the pedaler or facing the handlebars.

According to "The Streak", deluxe vehicles with padded crossbars are available for about fifty percent more. For triple the base rate, a bicycle built for two is available, but the customer must also pedal on this one.

During the startup period, WedG is offering coupons for free underwear to every new rider. In Phoenix, where you can cook an egg on the sidewalk or watch your recycling bin melt if you don't take it in before 2pm, a tube of free burn cream is also provided for new riders.

UPDATE: “The Streak” is now utilizing only self-driving bicycles. He still goes along for the ride, but he keeps his hands off the handle bars.

“I’m competing with Uber so I needed a new angle. I get $10.00 more per ride sold if I go hands-free. My smartphone in my pocket does all the work. Really.”

As “The Streak” rode off into the sunset, he drank an aspartame cola using both hands. About 300 feet down the road, he fell over in a grand mal seizure.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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