White House Sniper Loses It, Starts Shooting Up The Crowd Protesting

Written by mikewadestr

Saturday, 24 June 2017

image for White House Sniper Loses It, Starts Shooting Up The Crowd Protesting
I can hit a donkey a mile away.

Secret Service sniper Joe McShoots became unraveled during an anti-Trump protest outside the White House and started shooting up the protesting crowd. Six people were confirmed dead and another 16 were wounded, 6 critically.

"I've had it with these protesters", lamented McShoots as he was taken away in a strait jacket. "All day long they just scream and chant endlessly. I finally heard one too many: 'Oh no Trump has got to go!' chants before I finally got so fed up I started shooting. Hopefully I didn't hit any innocent bystanders. If I did then so be it, they shouldn't have been there in the first place".

McShoots shooting spree was ended when White House Chef Larry Broil snuck onto the White House Roof and hit McShoots in the face with a crème dementhe filled whipped cream pie rendering him temporarily blind. Broil then told the incapacitated McShoots he would hit him with a well done T-bone steak if he tried to continue. At that point McShoots laid down his gun and surrendered.

The head of the US Secret Service, Fred Discrete, claimed that McShoots was going through some hard times after losing his X-box to a pair of burglars at the beginning of the month.

"Joe lost the ability to unwind when his X-box was stolen on the 4th of June." Stated Discrete. "He no longer had a way to unwind seeing he could no longer play Grand Protesting Prisssies where he gets to gun down various protesters who hang around outside the front of the White House. We are giving him a mental evaluation but, in the meantime he will be sent to Mar A Lago to assist the President while we investigate the shootings which should be rather quick seeing that he was pretty much justified".

When asked what punishment McShoots faces, Discrete answered:

"We take this pretty seriously and we will render a fair and harsh punishment. At this point it appears McShoots will be spending the next year being Barron Trump's personal Lego builder".

As of press time McShoots was seen at a local Walmart checking out the various Lego sets.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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