WATERLOO, [IOWA.] What was intended as a celebration of President Donald Trump's first "100 Days" turned into a wake when a dejected president abruptly canceled his planned rally at Gettysburg, PA. Instead, he spoke to a die-hard crowd of admirers in Waterloo.
Press Secretary Sean Spicer explained to reporters that the president was so disappointed with his failure to accomplish in his first hundred days any of the major promises made during the campaign that a speech at Gettysburg would have been inappropriate. "He didn't want to be compared with Lincoln when his dismal record in his first three months in office smacked more of a Napoleonic defeat than a victory."
"Trump's triumphant entry into Washington on January 20, which he often compared to Napoleon's arrival in Paris in 1815 from his Elba exile, has been overshadowed by one defeat after another," gloated Rachel Maddow on MSNBC. "Had the government shut down through failure to fund federal agencies, his embarrassment would have been complete. As it is, his supporters are appalled by a 27-year-old North Korean upstart who has outsmarted the head of the most powerful nation in the world, a billionaire who seems to have met his match."
Trump personally ordered the switch to Waterloo. Initial reports related that he chose that town because he thought that Napoleon had won a great victory there. White House staffers deny that, claiming the switch in speech locations was a way of repaying dedicated Trump supporters who gave him a win inthe primaries.
After Waterloo, Trump will go into ecstasy at the wine country town of St. Helena, California.
Ralph E. Shaffer is professor emeritus of history at Cal Poly Pomona. firstname.lastname@example.org