Recalling the paranoia of Richard Nixon, White House staff are now subject to so called stop and frisk searches to make sure they are not smuggling out documents or carrying spy devices.
The new policy has caused the firing of one long time staffer after she refused to cooperate with a search and even crapped in Sean Spicer's hand when Spicer tried to search her undergarments for contraband.
Sheri Mazel, who has been on the nursing staff since 1974, told this reporter how her White House career came to an end after she stood up to Sean Spicer.
"They already tasered me and reprimanded me a few weeks ago for talking to a reporter about President Trump's heart attacks, and they've had it out for me ever since. So, look, I cooperated with their stupid stop and frisk, and when they didn't find anything Mr. Spicer insisted that Trump Security search my underwear. I told them 'no' and even the female officer refused to put her hands in my underwear."
So how is it she dookied in Sean Spicers hand? The normally polite Mazel apologized for the language she was going to use before going on with her story.
"He [Spicer] called the guards chicken shits and then the son-of-a-bitch said he would search me himself. I'm a lady, I was raised to be polite, but I'm an old lady and unfortunately I wear adult diapers, I don't want anyone, especially some asshole like Spicer fishing around in my Depends, so when he put his hand in my underpants I cut loose with a Hershey-doodle, so to speak. Spicer screamed when it hit his hand and when Trump Security realized what had happened they all fell on the floor laughing."
One of the guards, Marwin Kong, who was fired for laughing at Spicer during the search attempt gone wrong, also spoke out about the incident.
"When Spicer pulled his hand out of Sheri's underwear his face turned totally red, he yelled 'get her the f*** out of here!' then ran out of there to clean up I guess. We all pretty much figured she was fired anyway before that because they were looking for a reason to get rid of her. I laughed the whole time we escorted her out of the White House, and I even congratulated her on her exit, she did something a lot of people would love to do to a bad boss."
When reached for comment on the story, the White House's only response was that the stop and frisk policy remains in place.