Ghost of President Nixon draws the line at being associated with deflated balls

Funny story written by StubbornGorilla

Monday, 26 January 2015

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"It's lazy journalism", the deceased President, Richard Nixon stated, pertaining to the use of "gate" as a suffix to insinuate a conspiracy.

"Seriously, do you vultures have any creativity left?" he addressed toward the gathered press.

The former President expressed concerned about his legacy being diluted by being associated with situations that clearly do not reach the level of government conspiracy.

"Now, major political conspiracies like Irangate, Filegate or Chinagate; I get that. I understand how those might be labeled the same way as that little misunderstanding that occurred under my administration." The decease president conceded.

"I even kept my mouth shut when you media types started trumping up fluff pieces with headlines like Nipplegate. I understand you're all just trying to make a buck. However, certain members of the press are taking liberties with my legacy, and I draw the line at being associated with deflated balls!"

When asked to elaborate, the exasperated ghost could only bellow, "Balls!"

The former President was referring to Deflate-Gate, the media created controversy over the Super Bowl bound New England Patriots tendency to let a little extra air out of their footballs to make them easier to handle in the unpredictable Boston climate.

"It's an insult to myself, and to the office of the President" former President Nixon explained.

When asked if he accepted the use of "gate" as a suffix in any circumstance he said, "It sounds stupid most of the time."

The phantom did, however, admit "I did get a kick out of Rathergate," because "at least you bloodsuckers took out one of your own."

When asked about the fact that he was caught cheating when he probably would have won anyway just like the Patriots the former President angrily responded, "I hope you like ghosts, because I will be haunting your bed chamber tonight, you cannibals!"

The spectral presence of former President Richard Nixon then disappeared, presumably to begin haunting members of the press that had drawn his ire.

Updated reports on "Hauntgate" will be forthcoming in the following days.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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