Dr. Ronald Speltzer, who is a world famous brain surgeon, said today that President-Elect Donald Trump has received a brain transplant. The surgery lasted 15 hours and twenty minutes. It was performed at the Mar-A-Lago Trump resort.
The new brain was cloned from DNA taken from the corpse of Richard Nixon, one of the wiliest politicians of the 20th century until his Watergate overreach brought him down.
When trump awakened from the surgery, he reportedly asked for a bottle of Chateau Lafite Rothschild, Nixon's favorite drink.
"We knew then that the operation was a success," Dr. Spetzler supposedly said. The old Trump was a teetotaler.
Ivanka Trump and her husband, Jarard Kushner, drugged Trump before he was wheeled into the makeshift operating room. The brain transplant was reportedly necessitated by Trump's refusal to take an interest in the Presidency except when it related to helping him to make more billions adding his building empire all over the globe.
Too, his constant obsession with tweeting, and desire to hold two campaign-style events each week, "Made him impossible to deal with," allegedly said campaign manager Kellyanne Conway. "That he has the attention span of a nine-year-old doesn't help either."
Ms. Conway reportedly told people in Trump's inner circle that "Richard Nixon would never have been so stupid as to promise to protect Social Security and Medicare and then renege on his promises. That screws the base of his support. He'll never get re-elected doing that kind of stuff. Nixon knew that you can only con people so far."
Richard Perle, a neo-conservative war hawk and Trump supporter reportedly had a role in making the decision. He was flabbergasted that Trump refused national security briefings and to take anyone's advice before making numerous amateurish, if not strange, 'phone calls to foreign leaders, many hostile to U.S. interests. "Hell, I love war as well as the next fellow but I don't want to blow up the world in the process. Trump is like a bull in a nuclear china shop. Nixon went to China. Trump would probably nuke it," he supposedly said.
But inside sources say that a problem has arisen. The post surgery Trump is adamant in insisting that he hold a news conference as soon as he is well enough to say to the American People, "I am not a crook."