Washington, DC - President Donald Trump picked Judge Neil Gorsuch to be his first nominee to the U.S. Supreme Court. Sources close to Trump state that it was actually Gorsuch's last name which sealed Trump's decision rather than his distinguished resume and career, or his views on constitutional interpretation or abortion. Trump reportedly pronounces the name Gorsuch as "Goresucks".
Each time Trump states Judge Gorsuch's name, he seems to be ridiculing former Democratic Presidential nominee Al Gore, now a key spokesperson for the dangers of global warming, a scientific fact which Trump refuses to acknowledge.
In a late night rant, Trump tweeted: "Just had to pick Goresucks to get back at the Democrats for calling my total refugee ban a Muslim ban. It was not a Muslim ban. I love Muslims when they are in their own country."
Trump later tweeted, "Goresucks forever! If there is global warming blame the Muslims, not Americans."
The tweets were later deleted. Trump blamed the autocorrect feature for misspelling Gorsuch's name.
With opportunities for additional nominations likely, Judge Clintonsuch of the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals and Judge Obamasuch from the 1st Circuit Court of Appeals in Puerto Rico are both ecstatic with Trump's method for selection.
For more information contact firstname.lastname@example.org.