Florida Man, Dead for Years, Voted in US Presidential Election

Funny story written by AllNightNewsboy

Wednesday, 25 January 2017

A Florida journalist who died tragically in Miami in 2012 during what was dubbed "a strip club pole-dancing accident involving a D-list female celebrity," has informed the White House he is willing to testify about his illegal vote for Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election of U.S. President Donald Trump.

On Wednesday, January 25, President Trump -- embroiled in a growing controversy over his claim that 3-5 million voters cast their ballots fraudulently for Hillary Clinton -- announced that he would order a "major investigation" into his allegations, which have been challenged by a national association of the 50 Secretaries of State, other experts, and the media.

Hours later, the late reporter, Mace Andrews, came forward from what he described as "beyond the grave" to announce that despite his deceased condition, he was allowed to vote in Miami on election day. He also said he has contacted the White House to do his "patriotic duty" by "supporting the truth, no matter how unpopular or hard to believe it might be." He noted that his illegal vote could be of particular significance in the investigation since the President has specially stated that the millions of fraudulent voters included many dead people.

"I volunteered to provide evidence that even though I obviously died five years ago, I still got to vote," Andrews said in an exclusive interview. "My corpse had to be hand-trucked in and my right arm animated by a 'facilitator' who was flagrantly wearing a HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT T-shirt -- but I still got to vote."

Andrews said he was shocked to realize that even though his remains were badly decayed and "stank to high heaven," poll workers enthusiastically recorded his vote without challenge.

"Frankly, if I could get away with voting, virtually any dead person could," he said. "And that is just wrong. In addition to being illegal, it's also un-American."

Because he still considers himself "a patriot," he said, he thinks it is his duty to testify during the pending investigation. "I hope I am called to testify," he said. "I have a lot to say, even though I am no longer alive."

He also announced that because his corpse obviously cannot speak, his testimony would be "channeled by a qualified medium."

White House press secretary Sean Spicer reacted by saying, "The President applauds Mr. Andrews for coming forward, which could not have been easy for him under the circumstances."

Added Trump senior adviser Kellyanne Conway: "Although this situation is unusual, I think 'alternative sources of the truth' will become more and more important to Mr. Trump as he moves forward with his agenda to make American great again."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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