White House Insists Size Does Matter, Singles Out Pregnant Spoof Reporter

Funny story written by XRhonda Speaks

Monday, 23 January 2017

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Kellyanne Conway sparked a new wave of memes with her "alternative facts" comment.

In the alternate universe of Donald Trump and his supporters, the facts are whatever they say they are, so after the media reported that the throngs of anti-Trump protesters in DC outnumbered the crowds in town for the President's inauguration, the White House Fantasy Fact Team sprang in to action.

In what was laughably billed as a press conference, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer whined about media coverage that was not to his or his bosses liking, and offered a different narrative.

"The media is lying to diminish everything the new president does, even lying about the size of the crowds for the inauguration. The media needs to report that everything this president does is huge, that's what they should be writing about. And so I want to thank Brietbart and FOX News for being polite faithful and honest Americans by not reporting on or asking about these lies about size."

Spicer then held his breath for a moment and held onto the lectern tightly while squinting--perhaps he was anticipating a bolt of lightning from above--meanwhile the roomful of reporters erupted with questions for the beleaguered and conflicted press secretary.

This reporter was then singled out by Spicer when trying to ask a question about his criticism of the media.

"No, not you," Spicer growled while glaring at this humble reporter and writer, "the Spoof is fake news, in fact none of the media here today have any credibility, so there will be no questions taken."

"But Mr. Secretary we're satire, there's a huge difference between that and fake news," this reporter protested.

At which point Spicer walked away from the mic to threaten me, "If you weren't pregnant I would throw you out of here myself."

The unreality press secretary then motioned to Trump Security to walk me out of the briefing room. It was little matter though, I was in town mainly to cover the protests and signed on to the list of reporters for the days press pool on a lark, not expecting any story, much less to become the story. Anyway, it was apparent that the so called press conference was over before it had even started.

Trump apologist, Kellyanne Conway, later defended Spicer's take on reality telling CNN's Jake Tapper that Spicer was offering "alternative facts." Her comment immediately launched an orgy of new and hilarious memes on the internet.

Regardless of anyone's spin on the story, the record crowds staged two days of historic anti-Trump protests.

President Trump was at first silent on the protests, but impulsively Tweeted an attack on the media a day later:

"Dishonest media is going to pay for fake news about me, my crowds are bigger than anybody's. FBI should look in to it."

"A pregnant reporter? Disgusting really, the Spoof must be really desperate, she was hysterical and had to be removed from the press room, you could see she had hormones coming out of her wherever."

The press and even FOX News have been quick to close ranks with the Spoof as well as this and other reporters targeted by candidate and now President Trump.

For a president who desperately needs more of the press on his side, Trump is more determined than ever to alienate it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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