Trump Plans to Declare "Mega Bigly War" With China and Russia

Funny story written by That Guy

Saturday, 17 December 2016

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Last night, the president-elect announced from Trump Headquarters that there was going to be a "mega bigly war" on two of the biggest world powers. He said that it is "time to show them who's boss." Mr Trump's speech is as follows:

"Look, America, it's time. It has been too long since America has shown the world how big our guns are. But that's all over. It's time to show them who's boss. I am going to declare a mega bigly war on all of the problems in our world."

He then went on to announce who this "mega bigly war" was geared towards. He started with China:

"First, we have China. China has been taking away America's companies for a long time. But America needs to be better than them, besides it's gonna be easy, all they know how to do is snap together iPads. Trust me, it's gonna be mega easy. Everyone thinks that just because china has more people than us, they are the biggest kid on the block. Not True. China is all bark and no bite, and by the way their bark isn't all that good, i mean, they eat all of their dogs."

After this, he went on to explain that "we need to get Russia out of the way." His explanation for war on Russia goes as follows:

"Russia has been jerking my chain for a long time, we need to get Russia out of the way. They've hacked our election, they've put their planes where they shouldn't, and they've been a real drawback to America ever since the Cold War. Trust me it'll be easy, all they do is sit there with their head up their ass, and hack email servers."

The president-elect then concluded his speech as follows:

"I will make America great again, but not only do we need to make it great, but we need to get rid of those who aren't great, like China and Russia, to make us great. We need to prove once and for all that we are the bigliest kid on the block. Trust me, it'll be great," said Mr. Trump.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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