Written by Newsbreaker

Friday, 9 December 2016

Earlier Today the Republican National Committee published a profile of what to expect in the Christmas "Fuck You" Tour that Trump announced for states that didn't vote for him.

The RNC said the tour would be a great opportunity for Americans to part of the first great step in uniting the nation under Donald Trump.

Americans that can prove they are citizens & not Muslim can get free tickets & torches for rallies if they live in a state that Trump won.

Tickets for residents of states not carried by Trump will have to pay $150 per ticket but will receive an "I support Trump" button & a "Make America Great Again Hat."

Premium Tickets at $500 allow ralliers to get within 50 feet of Trump before the rally & include a premium gift basket (contents to be determined.)

Besides ticket prices, previews of menu items, merchandise to be sold at gift stands, celebrity appearances, & select songs from the planned playlist were posted to the announcement page.

A disclaimer notes all details are subject to change.

Foods:

Pizza Hut pizza
Trump steaks
Trump vodka
Shrimp
Chicken dinner

Merchandise:

"Make America Great Again" arm bands
Gold threaded Make America Great Again" hats
Trump vodka
Trump ties
The Art of the Deal by Donald J. Trump
Donald Trump photographs
Roy Cohn photographs
Donald Trump busts
Donald Trump statues
Trump Family Action figures
Hillary Clinton Federal Prison Action figure playset
Model Trump Tower building kit (complete with Illegal Immigrant Polish workers & mafia cement Trucks)
The Apprentice Complete Box Set
The Donald Trump Christmas Album
"Coal stocking stuffers for your far left friends & family"
"Other Fabulous Trump Christmas Items"
And Many More!

Celebrity Appearances:

Ted Nugent
Hologram Charlton Heston

Select playlist:

Every Breath You Take by the Police
One Way or Another by Blondie
You Can't Always Get What You Want by the Rolling Stones
Sympathy by the Rolling Stones
Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen
Rockin in the Free World by Neil Young
Won't Get Fooled Again by the Who
We Are the Champions by Queen
You Really Got Me by the Kinks
Your Time is Gonna Come by Led Zeppelin
Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton

The motto of the tour will be "A Great America is for great Americans! Make America Great Again!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Donald Trump, tour




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
77 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more