The Wired Street Urinal - an editorial

Funny story written by KRS

Thursday, 13 October 2016

image for The Wired Street Urinal - an editorial

On Wednesday, Republican nominee for President, Donald J. Trump proclaimed he is the messiah. Addressing a crowd of cerebrally anesthetized souls in a state of rapture in West Palm Beach Florida, Trump demonstrated his capacity to mesmerize with a breathtaking litany of prevarications, interpolations, hyperboles, scapegoated entities and balderdash of the likes that is most reminiscent of Hitler's Munich beer hall putsch that will be ninety-three years old on America's plebiscite, Tuesday November 8th 2016. We also pray on the anniversary, Trump is accorded the same rewards Adolph received in 1923.

Claiming a vast conspiracy by a cabal of politicians, media outlets, swine producers and medical practitioners of involuntary vasectomies and lobotomies, Trump, often sniffling, bordered on sedition. Sounding like Marshall Applewhite (Heaven's Gate), Huey Long, and Jim Jones (Jonestown), Trump spoke in near apocalyptic terms and professed only he could lead Americans out of the wilderness. Wake up, America. Has a minority of the electorate absolutely lost the ability to distinguish the difference between a cable TV program from reality? This is not an episode of "House of Cards" folks. As Olympia Dukakis told Cher in the movie "Moonstruck," "Snap out of it." Your lives may be in the crapper now, but as long as you are still breathing, things can get worse - and a vote for Trump ensures that outcome. Trump may have spent a lifetime filing monetary bankruptcy, but that is no rationale for voters declaring intellectual and ethical bankruptcy en masse by enabling a narcissistic, grandiose, voyeuristic, lunatic charlatan with ADD and possibly a robust cocaine habit!

Our editorial board has unanimously concluded not only is Trump manifestly unqualified to be the next President, but he may not possess the credentials to pick up the dog poo in our yards. We do believe he is qualified for immediate admission to the nearest secured mental health facility and is ideally suited to be the poster child for psychotropic chemotherapy. His profound dementia not only firmly establishes him as an outsider but reaffirms he needs to become an insider and soon. As a reasoned community of tenured journalists and observers of domestic and global politics, we declare Donald Trump has the moral authority of Black Death infested vermin and the geopolitical acumen of Mr. Magoo.

In this unprecedented move, our board asserts Donald John Trump is batshit crazy and not only dangerous for this country but likely imminently in danger of harming himself. So far, he has only demonstrated that in words for most of us - those closest to him (not only lenders and investors) recognize the planetary peril he represents but may not want to stop the gravy train his chicanery and machinations represent. We have to do it for them and ourselves.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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