9 out of 10 Dentists Recommend Tic Tacs to Billionaires Trying to Cheat on Their Wife

Written by Andrewnino12

Sunday, 9 October 2016

A new poll among dentists found that Tic Tac brand breath fresheners are above and beyond the mint of choice when it comes to creeping out daytime soap opera stars.

"It's a no-brainer really," one dentist said, "The alternatives lack strength and give out before you even get in the car. Just thinking about them puts a bad taste in my mouth. Tic Tacs, on the other hand, never seem to run out. Even when you think they're all gone, you find a few more that have slipped through the cracks into the sofa cushions. It's the artery-clogging gift that keeps on giving."

This study was conducted in response to comments made by presidential candidate and repeated candy-ruiner Donald Trump in an interview from 2005. In the interview Trumps mentions his various tactics for what could either be described as a young boy preparing for his first middle school dance, or a billionaire preparing for his next divorce.

"I've got to use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her. I also just sprayed myself up with some Axe Body spray and told the DJ to play that one Fall Out Boy song she likes. It's like shooting fish in a barrel with a high-caliber assault rifle that I purchased without a background check. It's too easy really, getting the woman I mean, not the gun."

These comments have drawn harsh criticism from both sides of the aisle but many Trump supporters have remained loyal to the halitosis-free Republican hailing from New York.

"I don't see what the big deal is," everyone's sexist friend on Facebook pointed out, "This is just how us guys talk. I've said and done much, MUCH worse (don't read into that too much). And didn't Hillary's own husband cheat on her? Yeah, bet you didn't think I'd bring that non sequitur up."

As for the one dentist who didn't recommend Tic Tacs to aspiring adulterers, he happens to be good friends and business partners with former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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