In a recent press interview, leading Republican Presidential contender Donald Trump was asked for his thoughts on the recent Volkswagen scandal in which it installed "defeat devices" in millions of its diesel-powered cars to dupe emission tests to make the vehicle appear more environmentally friendly.
In typical unvarnished fashion, Mr. Trump responded emphatically, "They may have gotten away with this one, but nobody, and I mean Nobody, outcheats the good old U.S. of A. for long!"
Trump inhaled and expanded, "We come from a proud nation of cheaters-and in all arenas I might add. Hey Germany, come talk to us when you can concoct a pyramid scheme like our bamboozling bastard Bernie Madoff! What a doozy!
"Give me a call-collect, when your Kaiser or whoever the hell is in charge of your fascist country can out-cheat our pathological president Richard Nixon and his thugs in Watergate. Those were the days, boy were they! And I'll bend down to kiss your flabby alpine asses if you can beat the antics of our book-cooking con artists at Arthur Anderson and that all American rat bastard Kenny Lay and his phony execs at Enron! That'll be the day!
"And I'll state for the record that I'll swap my "Make America Great Again" cap for one of your sissy Bavarian felt caps if you can ever, and I mean ever, muster the hutzpah of our morally inept financial wizards who took a wrecking ball to the global economy back in 2008 with those bullshit derivatives! Pure genius, baby!
"So, like my cap says, it's time to make America great again! You amateurs at VW can enjoy it while it lasts, because America will be back! And you can take that all the way to our crooked banks!
"So long, farewell, au wiedersehen goodbye!"
