Written by Xavier Fairbanks

Thursday, 16 July 2015

image for Fool-Aid on Sixty Seventh Street

Residents of South Palm Beach Florida were awoken by sounds they described as, "disturbing", early Monday around 2:00am. The incident took place in what, according to neighbors is generally a quiet residential area.

Police say a large gentleman, most widely identified by the community by his puffy red cheeks and heart as sweet as sugar, began belligerently screaming and causing a commotion on the usually quiet street. What happened next, police say was unimaginable. The suspect proceeded to take shards of glass that had strewn on the ground during his tirade, and began whipping them, as if they were ninja stars, at passersby.

"When them streetlights done come on, these kids be inside", said Lynette Jackson, a 25 year resident of the once quiet neighborhood.

"That man… he was like a monster!", said another long time resident who wished to remain anonymous.

Early this morning police released the identity of the man which had been guarded until the situation had been forcibly de-escalated by authorities. The main suspect has been identified as one Mr. L.L. Kool-Aid. Mr Kool-Aid, is currently being held without bail until his trial date is set.

Police have yet to comment on what caused the ruckus, but nearby neighbors say they believe it has to do with the recent drought that has left the community parched for weeks. More is expected to be released by law enforcement officials in a live press release after the trial date has been set.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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