Police issue warning of a gang of 'criminal masterminds'

Funny story written by Stella Baker

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

image for Police issue warning of a gang of 'criminal masterminds'
Members of the Metropolitan Police hunting for the gang.

Police from several forces have joined together to urge people to be on the lookout for a gang of crooks after a spate of robberies, thefts and other crimes which have left thousands of people penniless and terrorized many others.

Throughout the country people are noticing that they have less money in their bank accounts, some are being lured into 'dodgy' business transactions which force them into mounting debt and even cause them to lose their homes.

Police believe that part of the gang target sick and disabled people. Numerous victims have reported being lured to offices for bogus medical examinations after which they have been robbed and left penniless.

Det Chief Insp. John Nicks claimed that the gang appear to be becoming more daring in their methods and diversifying their crimes and choice of victims. 'We have reports that families with children are being targeted and we fear that they may end up preying on the elderly too.'

Police believe that the gang are operating from a base in Westminster, London but may have contacts in the City, and are working to release details of various members of the gang who are identified by various first names.

They include 'Dave' who appears to be the ringleader and who is believed to have various connections in Europe. 'George' is believed to be assisting 'Dave' and is good at siphoning off financial assets from bank accounts. There is also 'Iain' who is believed to be preying on the disabled and police also believe he targets people who use Jobcentres.

Police also believe that there is also 'Boris' described as around 6ft tall, blonde, who rides a bicycle and who has been known to attack black cab drivers. Detectives believe 'Boris' has plans to become a ringleader and have warned members of the public not to approach him as he is considered highly dangerous.

Police are appealing for witnesses and any information but unfortunately don't have the funds to offer much of a reward.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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