Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 30 June 2015

image for Holy smoke! Pope confirms Joseph P Kennedy sainthood move
The guy 'was practically a martyr' for selflessly shagging the Brit Queen Mother

Santa Monica Lewinsky, California - "Sure is a miracle he never got busted," a US Justice Department source tweeted as the news of the American wartime ambassador to the Caught of St James's canonisation spread.

Joseph P Kennedy, paterfamilias of the eponymous Massachusetts clan and father of President JFK, is to be made a saint by Pope Frankie-the-Argie during his upcoming Cuba and USA trip.

Years of lobbying by the Kennedys look like finally paying off after a discreet $$$s donation to the Pontifical Fund for Global Warming Rants finally sealed the bid.

Kennedy Senior famously made his fortune by investing in a Zyklon-B gas factory 'along with the Bushes' that facilitated the Nazis' genocide of Jews.

He also gave a few good alibis to Hitler's Pope Pius XII about bankrolling the Holocaust which helped the Vatican escape war crimes charges.

Cold War historians have always reckoned that one of Kennedy Sr's canniest moves was to pay his daughter-in-law Jackie a cool million dollars to stay with her adulterous husband just before his 1960 White House election.

His generosity also helped grease a few Democrat palms amid revelations that Jackie O was George Herbert Bush's longtime mistress - when she wasn't busy shagging Russian damcer Rudolf Nureyev.

And scores of young, up-and-coming Senate wannabes.

Commenting on the imminent sainthood someone close to Kennedy's granddaughter Kerry Kennedy Cuomo said, "Effing Nora, the guy was practically a bloody martyr for selflessly shagging of the British Queen Mother."

Malingerer Pope Benedick the 16 is deaf, dumb and blind as a bat.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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