Local area man perplexed because mother-to-son affection has abruptly ended

Funny story written by Brandy Pasquino

Wednesday, 1 April 2015

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Be careful what you tell your mom.

Bethesda, MD-Lones Katz, a man who has always had a very close relationship with his mother, is baffled by his mother's recent lack of affection towards him.

"For as long as I can remember, my mother and I have always hugged and kissed every time we see each other, but she will now only fully extend her arm and give me a very brief handshake," said Lones. "If I try to get close to her, she takes one step back for every step I take toward her," added Lones. When we asked whether he had any idea why his mother is not being warm and affectionate anymore, Lones said that he had no explanation. According to him, up until recently, they had always shared everything with each other and were in regular communication via text like many other new-generation folk.

In order to shed light on this strange situation, we contacted his mother, Laura Katz, and she presented us with a harrowing story.

"The relationship between my son and me has become strained in recent weeks, and it is solely because I am concerned about his feelings toward me," said Laura. "In the past few weeks, my son has sent me several sex-themed texts including one that was particularly alarming, which read 'Son forces himself on mom', and they generally come before and after very normal texts such as one asking 'Hi mom, how is dad doing'," Laura added. And last week, when she was almost ready to confront Lones, she received a text from him with a link to a series of mother-son sex videos titled "Horny Mom and Son Compilation".

"I am not sure what has gotten into my son, but for now, he will receive very cold texts from me, and the closest distance I will allow between us is an arm's length," said Laura.

At press time, we learned that a new mobile Internet bot could be the root cause of Lones's texts, which automatically and periodically sends sex-related texts from a user's Internet search history to phone contacts. Unfortunately, this information could not been confirmed in the case of Lones and his mother Laura.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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