President Obama on Tuesday will announce a broad new research initiative, starting with $100 million in 2014, to invent and refine new technologies to understand the hows and whys - the unique functioning of - Fundamentalist Christian/Redneck thought processing.
The President announced - "Now we know these folks are not all there! They oppose all attempts to move along the highway of human progress and are stuck in their bronze Age Biblical Mentality - BUT - we are gonna help them. We are gonna give them an opportunity to wake up and smell The Roses, like these beautiful roses in our garden here all round us today.
"Oh and ESPECIALLY You Gun nuts out there!"
A senior administration scientist compared the new initiative to the Human Genome Project, in that it is directed at a problem that has seemed insoluble up to now: the recording and mapping of brain circuits in action in an effort to "show how millions of brain cells interact." Especially in the minds of these redneck Christian folks who we have always thought were just retarded by "early childhood brain washing" but now we are looking for deeper answers.
Brain researchers can now insert wires in the brain of animals, or sometimes human beings, to record the electrical activity of brain cells called neurons, as they communicate with each other so this technique should work well with these Christian Rednecks as they have much lower IQ's and smaller brains than most folks.
Obama concluded "These are sick folks who need our help!"