TSA X-rayed her breast milk but mom gets last squeeze

Funny story written by Jessie Hammack

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Stacy Armato says agents gave her a HARD time when she asked that they please not X-ray her breast milk at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport in 2010. ABC says, "She pleaded for an alternate way to screen it" But an unidentified source said the TSA agent spoke no English.

Armato says that while the screeners went to find an agent who spoke English she was put in a glass cage for nearly 40 minutes. An agent at TSA who wished to remain anonymous said " It was clearly not a cage Armato was put into, it was merely a glass waiting room that citizens are sometimes locked in for their own safety."

Nevertheless Armato says the experience was humiliating and she hadn't felt that way since at least college. Before being confined, she showed a print-out of the TSA rules to a screener, and this is what happened:

"He read them and it says breast milk is a medical liquid. It is to be alternately screened. And he just didn't want to accept it."

KABC spoke to the mother: "I put a lot of time into eating organic, drinking lots of water, staying in shape. Why would I then send my milk through the X-ray?" She then allegedly told this to the obese TSA agent to which the agent just replied "Well this is America and I ain't into all that commie healthy eatin "as he munched down on what appeared to be a doughnut.

Armato's lawyer filed a federal lawsuit against the TSA. Armato says it was the only way to publicize the incident. KCBS says, "Suing the U.S. government is the only way for us to have been able to promote any kind of change. We had to file a lawsuit in order to hold their feet to the fire." An unidentified source said that Armato was heard to say as she left the courtroom "They got my booby milk but I twisted their nibblets".

The TSA offered Armato a $75,000 settlement for the booby incident and promises to re-train screeners to not be so openly Hitler-like. Armato says the settlement will go toward attorney's fees and to a non-profit that provides support for breastfeeding moms.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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