QUAKER OATS, Pennsylvania - (Satire News) - With the price of gasoline hitting an astounding $8 a gallon in California, and $7 a gallon in Connecticut, many middle class and poor families are selling their automobiles and resorting to horse and buggi…
AMISH BUTTER, Pennsylvania - (Satire News) - A Pennsylvania woman has come forward to say that Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump had intimate relations with her as they were parked in her Amish buggy. The woman, who would not give her name, told Alpha…
M’assachewsucks Instantstink of Technerdery - The Tech Rebuke According to our source, Eek Campus nerd Rodney Slidrule, an entire class of Course 6 students at MIT have abandoned civilnerd society and moved onto Amish farms in PA. “It was th…
BEAVER BELLY, Pennsylvania – (Satire News) - Police are investigating a reported incident involving a one-horse Amish buggy and a Kia Sorento. According to an eye-witness, the Kia Sorento cut in front of the one-horse buggy, and the Amish driver t…
WASHINGTON, D.C – The president recently stated that he has been getting a lot of complaints about the tremendous amount of cooking shows on the cable channels. He said that people say that they’re fed up with shows like "Master Chef", "Blocked",...
Bird in Hand, PA—News of the deaths of three unrelated Amish youths—Jacob Stolzfus, 18, Lucas Stolzfus, 19, and Cyrus Martin, 21—has exploded like after-market vape pens in this quaintly-named Amish community. The youth, who were all employed in the...
Forced to leave the only world he knew behind, Joseph Schullermann was banished from his Amish community after he was caught sporting an unsanctioned non-traditional type hat. When asked about his blatant disregard for the rules of his brethren,...
A midnight screening of the 1985 American thriller film directed by Peter Weir and starring Harrison Ford and Kelly McGillis; Witness, has ignited scenes of violence and rioting throughout the Amish community across the United States. The movie, w...
NORFOLK, Virginia - The animal rights group known as PETA, which stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, has just announced its latest statement. Executive Director Mimosa Ledbetter has sent a message to the Amish community stating...
LANCASTER, Pennsylvania - There is an Amish Internet site that is run secretly by an Amish man in his early 20s. The young man obviously did not want his named revealed as this could cause him to be banished from the Amish community and branded a...
Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, a Boeing 777 wide-body passenger plane with 239 people on board, which disappeared an hour after takeoff almost a week ago and has since been the focus of a massive international search, has finally been located. The mi...
The 34-minute long power outage during yesterday's Super Bowl game may have been the work of Amish radicals, say police. "We have witnesses who saw a couple of guys in a horse-drawn buggy with a triangular reflector on the back force their way into...
DOVER, Ohio (ABSNN) - Fox's Karl Rove was absolutely right: "Ohio sucks!" Today Ohio proved it sucks when a four-football-field-wide sinkhole swallowed up a large section of Ohio State Road 513 just west of Dover. "Holy crap! I was just watch...
LANCASTER COUNTY, Pennsylvania (ABSNN) - A vast number of the farms in this Pennsylvania county have no electricity, no televisions, no telephones, no motor vehicles, no Honey Boo Boo. They are Amish folk, and yet, even the Amish know of the Twiligh...
A midnight screening of the 1985 American thriller film directed by Peter Weir and starring Harrison Ford and Kelly McGillis, Witness, has ignited scenes of violence and rioting throughout the Amish community in various locations across the United St...
The highly anticipated opening of Amish clothing store chain "Buckles" has many young people camping outside Malls, determined to be the first to own a ridiculous hat, with no functional use and a pair of uncomfortable Amish sneakers, with the trade...
From Independent News Agencies in Lisbon and a Portuguese cabdriver named Mac-The German freighter. "Bilderburger" was commandeered by "Yoder (the Boater) Geronimo and his gang of naval carpenters who quickly raised a barn around the ship and tra...
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