Florida Citrus Growers Report That They're Losing A Lot of Their Citrus To Crocodiles

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 15 February 2014

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If the tree climbing crocodiles are not stopped the USA may run out of orange juice.

SARASOTA COUNTY, Florida - Milo Bimbardi owner of The Hurricane Citrus Farm has just reported that he has lost a lot of his citrus crop to damn crocodiles.

He spoke with the local news media and said that he has been growing oranges, lemons, and grapefruits for 36 years and he has lost some of his crop to blizzards, heat waves, hurricanes, and even to a mini tsunami but he has never lost even one little old lemon to a crocodile.

Bimbardi pointed out that all of his neighbors report that these crocodiles amazingly climb up the citrus trees and take the citrus.

He shook his head and remarked that no one can really explain it, not even 84-year-old Jethro Candycoat who has been a citrus grower for 61 years.

Animal experts have been called in and they seem to think that it has something to do with the way the equatorial contingencies of Saturn and Neptune are lined up.

They explained that it's kind of like when a man or woman who has smoked five packs of cigarettes a day for years and years suddenly quits cold turkey.

He or she is bound to act like some kind of crazed, effed up banshee from the lower depths of hell.

Bimbardi has said that their only hope is to bring in crocodile catchers who can get rid of these evil heathens with the use of AK-47's, grenade launchers, and mini-missiles.

He explained that it is an expensive proposition but if something is not done then the crocs will end up eating up all of the profits.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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