We love you, Sarah Palin, and we're glad that Martin Bashir Creep is Dog Goned

Funny story written by Samuel Vargo

Thursday, 5 December 2013

image for We love you, Sarah Palin, and we're glad that Martin Bashir Creep is Dog Goned

Martin Bashir's on-air verbal attack against Sarah Palin was so over the top that even liberals think this eccentric left-wing crackpot should have resigned.

And most of us liberals can be categorized as eccentric left-wing nutcases, but even the craziest of us wouldn't stoop to the level Bashir hit with his defamatory remarks toward Palin. Nobody is crying over Bashir's resignation, except, maybe for Bashir himself.

Yes, the MSNBC host really went nuclear nutcase when he said, well, he said, oh, it's so horrible I don't even want to post it on The Spoof, a website which really has no boundaries or parameters with such things.

I love Sarah Palin. A lot of us do. Not as a politician, but as a person. She says some outrageous things and what she brings to the political table is a lot like what George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic brought to the world of music. I don't even think Palin is all that serious about a lot of the things she says.

Well, George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic definitely weren't serious about their brand of music, but they have one of the biggest displays at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland; Clinton is dubbed the "King of Funk;" and is a maga-millionaire, along with many of the longstanding members of his musical troupe, no doubt.

Being an outrageous showman of horrendous histrionics has worked for him and it's working for Palin - her comic behavior and trickster antics are keeping her in the news every day. She's more a political dynamo now than ever, like her or not.

To a lot of middle-aged hack writers like myself, Ms. Palin has taken the place of that beautiful elementary teacher - that psycho-bitch from hell teacher - that we all said we hated but we were clandestine secret admirers of; yes, we all like the way Sarah looks, talks, squawks and laughs.

We wouldn't want her any other way.

She's the ultimate "babe" of the political scene right now and none of us really want to see her attacked as Bahir leveled her in his inanely insane political rant.

If you want to see what he said and missed it, every night on FOX News, all the talking heads are playing it. It most likely will be a staple throughout the Christmas season and beyond. It's really a terrible thing to say about anyone and Bashir deserves all the flogging he's getting from Hannity, O'Reilly, Kelly, and the rest of the crew.

Do we take Sarah seriously? Hell no, we don't and that's why we love her. When there's nothing to write about, as slow news days oftentimes come, there's always Sarah. She's always out there saying something outlandish, doing something really, really weird, that we can chime in about.

We have something to write about for the day, so it's never a total wash. When all else fails, tune into the Sarah Palin wire. She's on and she's always hot.

Just like the rowdy bunch of pre-pubescent juveniles who took all the erasers from the blackboard before home room started and now we're tossing them at the teacher while her back's turned, Ms. Palin's our girl and we love her for it. We never threw the erasers too hard, back in the day, and we usually tried to miss hitting our gorgeous teacher. That's about the same way we treat Ms. Palin.

There are so many examples of Palin's erratic and strange political rants, raves, and behaviors that a book could be written about them all. That time she was sipping from the Big Gulp cup during her speech at the CPAC, as a jab at New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg's ban on sugary sodas clocking in at over 16 ounces, served at restaurants.

What a hoot!

And although we'll be the last to tell you this, we of the limp-wristed liberal-writer brigade will confess wholeheartedly that we respect Ms. Palin for what she represented here. And though it was already a custom fit for Saturday Night Live, without even needing one of their lame-assed actors to do the sipping for her, Palin was right. Nobody wants the government telling us how big of a cup of soda we can buy. It's just not American.

And a lot of us drink from big glasses as we write. So we like what Ms. Palin remarkably denoted and connoted from her actions during her speech at the CPAC.

We don't want the government telling us what we can and can't order from a restaurant or the carryout store. If Big Brother starts letting us know how big of a glass we can drink from, what's next? And most of us drink from really huge glasses that could keep us hydrated while walking across an enormous desert to get to the lush forest far off in the distance. Writers and non-writers alike. It's just very American right now.

We're too lazy to go out every fifteen minutes for more colored water. And no, we don't like Big Brother telling us we have to drink from cups so small they're just a bit bigger than the cups that were once used to administer polio vaccines. Am I showing my age here?

Modern day politics in America have almost become a parody. An ongoing lampoon. It's sad, but true. But as long as it's a comedy, we're here to poke fun of such things, us satirists and left-wing political commentators of the gonzo variety. And when political comedies oftentimes write themselves, we don't have to put much effort into analysis or brain storming. We're a lazy bunch of slobs. Thanks, Sarah, for making our work a lot easier.

Are there more intellectual, wiser, and more gifted politicians than Sarah Palin? I'm sure there are, but they're either in hiding, don't want to be bothered speaking their minds about things, or they're just not as good looking as good old Sarah.

Riding into a political conference on a Harley-Davidson, flipping around a tin of snuff during a speech, shooting at wild animals from a helicopter, bagging a moose in the Arctic, snapping about some issue that turns to a ranting diatribe at a crucial political crossroads, doing such crazy things makes Sarah 'our girl.' We love her for these zany things. We don't want her any other way!

We watch her like we used to watch that drop-dead gorgeous dingbat teacher who just graduated from college and was really flubbing up her first teaching gig. We like Sarah for being Sarah. She's our Queen of Political Funk. And even though we totally disown her, and say "Get lost, Sarah," we don't want Ms. Palin to stay gone for too long.

We need something really goofy to write about on slow news days.

And we're far too lazy to put much real work into it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more