Written by Felix Minderbinder

Sunday, 22 October 2006

image for Christians Break With Bush Over Insults Revealed in New Book
Southern Baptists try to cool off

WASHINGTON (AP)-- Christian evangelicals are outraged to discover that the Bush White House team led by Karl Rove exploited their votes to further a hidden Republican political agenda while privately scorning them as "nutbars" or "goofballs" or worse.

Republicans actually mocked and laughed at their Christian soldiers according to a new book by a former White House insider.

The tell-all book by whistle-blower David Kuo, a former deputy director of the Office of Faith-based and Community Initiatives in the Bush White House, is titled, "Tempting Faith: An Inside Story of Political Seduction."

He explains that the evangelical community thought it had made a deal with the Bush White House that held evangelicals in high esteem, shared their religious views, and pumped federal money into faith-based institutions.

But the reality was that Rove and his henchmen vilified the evangelicals, knowing that "the nuts were politically invaluable, but that was the extent of their usefulness."

Evangelicals obtained a few policy shifts from the White house, including restrictions on embryonic stem-cell research and several appointments of right-wing lunatics to the judiciary. Yet the promised federal ban on gay marriage which was a fundamental goal of evangelicals never materialized. Nor did all the money Bush and Rove promised to religious social pressure groups.

In fact, evangelicals received far more funding for "compassionate social programs" under President Bill Clinton than they ever did under Bush, according to the book.

"We just wanted to impose a God-driven political order on government policy and bring back book burning, and the burning of sinners at the stake," said Southern Baptist Conventioneering President Jerry Jerkhead.

"We also wanted to stop gay marriage and all that other liberal crap, but now we are finding that all those senior Republicans are in fact pedophiles, predators and perverts in the service of Israel, the war machine and the oil industry, who just used us to stage 911 and start that phony "War on Terror" to increase oil company profits and torture all those innocent Moslems. I for one am now feeling bitter and abused."

"I guess we should have expected something like that with Karl Rove in charge of things," Jerkhead added ruefully. "We thought Bush was a good Christian but now we regard him as the Anti-Christ and Satan rolled into one."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
66 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more