Written by Evan Essence

Friday, 8 September 2006

image for New Poll: 75% of Republicans Won't Vote in November Election
Jack Abramoff at GOP fundraiser

A new Gallup poll, taken between August 29 and Sept 5, 2006, shows that rank and file Republicans have become so disillusioned with their party's leadership, that most are not likely to go to the polls this November.

75% of registered Republicans say they are so disgusted by George Bush, and his rubberstamp GOP Congress, that they will probably not bother to vote. Another 15% of Republicans say they will only vote for Democrats this year, leaving only 10% who claim they will vote for Republican candidates.

Susan Franzen, who runs a downtown boutique in Henderson, Indiana, says she has voted Republican all of her life, but is so dismayed by George Bush's record levels of deficit spending, that she will not bother to show up at the polls this year. "We thought we were voting for fiscal conservatives," she said. "But once they got into office, they proceeded to spend all of the money they could get their hands on….and all of it for ‘pork-barrel' projects, to reward their favorite campaign contributors. We will be paying for this spending spree for generations to come."

"Are you kidding!" said Albert Barton, a cement worker in Houston. "A Conservative is someone who favors smaller government, less spending, and hates having government snooping in our lives. Although I didn't like Bill Clinton, and all of his running around……he actually succeeded in downsizing the government, and balancing the budget. We were actually on the right track, for a while, and then Bush came along, and destroyed all of that progress, and became a Big Spending, Big Government, Big Brother!…..everything traditional conservatives hate."

Others say it has all been downhill since the Republicans took control of Congress, and promptly forgot all of the promises of Gingrich's 'Contract With America'. With control of both Houses, they could have enacted the entire program, but ended up not enacting any of it, and instead endulged in unbridaled greed, graft, and corruption.

Holly Larsen, who has been an active member of the Christian Coalition, became disillusioned when the coalitions's first executive director, Ralp Reed, was caught being a key player, along with Jack Abramoff, in a scheme to bilk indian tribes out of millions of dollars.

Harvard Professor of political science, Barney Hampton, explained, "the Jack Abramoff scandal was the worst corruption scandal in American history. It is said, 'Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts, absolutely'. With Republicans in charge of the White House, the Senate, and the House of Representatives, they thought they had absolute power, and emptied the National Treasury, for graft, greed and personal gain. They thought they could get away with it. Now they are going to pay the price in the polls."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Republicans, Polls

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
75 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more