Written by Simon Malice

Saturday, 7 October 2006

image for Republicans Woo Gay Voters In Tight Midterm Election Race
"I'm inviting gay Republicans to join the party... over at my place this weekend."

Washington D.C. -- With the forthcoming midterm elections looking increasingly tight the Republican Party is looking for support from an unlikely source, the gay community. They have even gone so far as to hire ultra-camp chart toppers the Scissor Sisters to perform at the forthcoming Republican National Convention. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist declared, "Hell, if a good ol' boy like Mark Foley is a pillow biter it can't be all bad!"

U.S. President George W. Bush has been full of enthusiasm for his party's sudden change of heart. "We want to embrace the Gay people, and for them to let us help them like we've helped the Iraqi people," he said. When a reporter pointed out that given his party's past record on gay rights it would be more likely for a Rabbi to join the Nazi Party, the president explained that this was all a misconception brought about by bias in the liberal media. "Actually, our relationship with the gay community is going great," he said, "It couldn't be better!" President Bush then went on to show the acute social insight for which he's renowned when he said he's never been anti-gay or even against gay marriage. "It's just that we're worried about the offspring of these unions growing up in a gay environment," he said.

A spokesman for the Catholic Church, Father Pete O'phile, said the church was dismayed by the Republican's new stance as it would undoubtedly further erode the moral fabric of society. He then asked for the e-mail address of Congressman Foley's page boy saying he had extensive experience helping young boys going back many years, and he would relish the opportunity to do so again in this case.

In solidarity with their new friends the Republicans have been proudly flying the Rainbow flag next to the Stars and Stripes at Capitol Hill and the White House, and Donald Rumsfeld has been seen sporting a new pink triangle tie. Reports that Karl Rove will be starring alongside his old pal Rush Limbaugh in a new series of all male, all nude calendars featuring the country's sexiest Republicans were unconfirmed at the time this article went to press.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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