Obama Says, No More Mr. Nice Guy

Funny story written by G. Brookings

Friday, 4 October 2013

image for Obama Says, No More Mr. Nice Guy
President Obeyme

"It has long been policy - not my policy, mind you, but the policy of the United States - that we do not negotiate with terrorists. And when Republicans act like terrorists, I won't negotiate with them. It's blackmail and terrorism and I will shut the government down myself before I give in to them."

"You will shut down the government, Mr. President?" Dana Bash, a reporter for CNN queried, and then continued, "But it's already shut down and the position of the administration up to this point was that it was Republicans who shut it down."

"In that case, I won't let them open it back up, even parts of it, until I get my way. When the President of the Unites States draws a red line, he has to back it up. So after Syria, where my red line seemed to float around a little, it's all or nothing now. This time I'm going to win, even if it means letting the Republicans destroy the country."

"But Mr. President, with all due respect, Ms. Bash continued, "doesn't that sound a little juvenile. All this name calling and these threats. The American people are the ones who suffer. Why won't you at least meet with Republicans?"

"Well if you were paying attention, Dana, you would know that I did offer to meet with them."

"Yes, but you said in advance that you would not negotiate."

'True, but they could have brought a white flag and waved it at the conference table. That would have been acceptable."

"Whatever happened to the candidate who promised to unite the country and put an end to excessively partisan politics?" a Fox new reporter asked provocatively.

"I've bent over backwards to meet Republicans half way. Even though it's true I rammed through Obamacare without a single Republican vote; enforced only the parts of immigration law I liked; made appointments during Congressional recesses; let the IRS rattle the cages of conservative groups; still I didn't do a public dance in the end zone. I was respectful of Republicans in their abject defeat. They were lying at my feet and I didn't trample them. Isn't that bipartisan? And now see what all that restraint and consideration gets me? Well, I've drawn a new red line. No more Mr. Nice Guy. He's on the other side watching me and Assad beat up on all these domestic terrorists. Assad has the Free Syrian Army to contend with; I've got to stop the whacko, anarchists in the Tea Party."

"That sounds like a threat, Mr. President," Dana Bash remarked.

"Ever been to Chicago? Deal with it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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