Lady Gaga goes to Brazil and ends up in prison

Funny story written by Kid Icarus

Monday, 15 April 2013

image for Lady Gaga goes to Brazil and ends up in prison
Lady Gaga, with mental illness, after being turned out during her second month in Carandiru.

Singing diva Lady Gaga added a less prestigious line to her music awards: Brazilian Prison inmate No. 43223-015.

Gaga, best known for her stage performances and music hits had surrendered shortly before noon at Carandiru prison in Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Gaga was convicted of causing a riot that resulted in the injury of hundreds of concert goers, many of whom were trampled in a stampede. The riot occurred shortly after she failed to show up at a concert in Sao Paulo. Fans became angry when promoters told them that no refunds would be given.

The wait was over for Gaga, when she was required to hand over her fancy outfit for a prison uniform as she settled into her new home at the Carandiru prison.

Gaga was processed "without incident" and went through inmate orientation before being assigned a bunk.

On her third week at Carandiru, two Brazilian women who were bunking with Gaga turned out a new inmate shortly after the lights went out at 12:00 a.m. Witnesses say they saw Gaga giggling and covering her ears with her pillow while the activity was occurring and the new inmate was crying.

The new inmate was 19-years-old, Marciana Silva Barcelos, Gaga's best friend who she had consoled during Marciana's first day in the cell when Gaga noticed her crying and scared.

During Gaga's first night in prison, guards heard hundreds of women screaming in deep masculine voices trying to calm their persecutors. The screams came down the long halls after 12:00 a.m. but the guards didn't think much about the commotion because they hear it every night when the lights go down.

"This prison is so bad it can turn a woman's complexion green if she gets turned out by enough women," said Roberto Laudisio Curti, a prison guard.

Women that get turned out have to pump iron at the request of the gang of ladies that control them. They usually force those women to take large doses of testosterone pills to triple their muscle mass and they shave their heads bald. Criminals on the outside use homing pigeons to sneak the pills into the prison.

"When they have a dike or a boy that they've turned out they treat them like trophies to tell every one that this is mine I own this cause when they do turn out a lady they actually own them," Roberto continues, "every penny the dikes get it goes to their women. You can buy a boy/dike for 20 or 30 dollars on most wings!! They sell them like cattle."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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