Chicago Mayor Calls Hoodies More Dangerous Than Guns

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

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BILLINGSGATE POST - Mayor Rahm Emanuel, although not pleased with the fact that Chicago's 2012 murder toll reached 500, did find reason to praise the gangs for limiting their violence to their own neighborhoods.

With statistics showing that 90 percent of these killings remained unsolved, unlike the president, who is calling for a ban on guns, Emanuel wants to initiate a ban on hoodies. Calling hoodies, "more dangerous than guns," because no one can identify the shooters, Mayor Emanuel stated that he will place an embargo on hoodies coming into the Windy City.

"As grim as it is", Emanuel said in his statement, "he was proud of the fact that the pace of killings has decreased almost 100 percent since the 1990's." Although cynics might claim that the reason for this is simply one of reproduction not meeting the demands of decreasing labor supply, it is estimated that Chicago still has at least 70,000 gang members, most of them wearing hoodies and Michael Jordan sneakers.

The NRA agrees with Mayor Rahm Emanuel's assessment. A spokesman for the group said that the NRA will use all of their "good will and power" to end the wearing of hoodies while committing crimes of violence.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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