Atheism Outlawed In Arkansas

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 31 January 2013

image for Atheism Outlawed In Arkansas
Guinevere Mathilda Ashkinfickle, an avowed atheist plans on moving to Arizona.

LITTLE ROCK - In a historic move, the Arkansas state legislature has voted 34-1 to outlaw atheism within the state.

Senator Stubblefield P. Bootneck, 49, of Monticello stated to Political Salad Bar Magazine that the issue was voted on to show the non-believers that the majority of the people of Arkansas go to church, love the flag, and would rather eat Angels Food Cake than Devils Food Cake.

The senator also made it abundantly clear that Arkansas is sending a message to those who don't believe that if you don't like living in Arkansas you can move somewhere else like Arizona, Alaska, Wisconsin, or Lower Zamgola.

PSBM reporter Sinclair Petaluma spoke with one of the state's staunchest and oldest atheist, Guinevere Matilda Ashkinfickle, 78, of Arkadelphia.

She commented that she has lived in Arkansas ever since she was six days old but now she feels alienated and unwanted and plans to move to Yuma, Arizona.

Ms. Ashkinfickle wanted to stress the fact that she will be closing out her checking account at Arkadelphia's Second National Bank, which amounts to $1,319 as well as her savings account which amounts to $371.

Petaluma was able to contact and interview a total of 17 Arkansas atheists and 15 said that they would be leaving the state and moving to Arizona, one is moving to North Dakota, and one will be relocating to Indonesia.

SIDENOTE: Three atheist residents of Arkansas tried to hire an attorney to sue the state but since all Arkansas attorneys are Christians none would come anywhere near the case.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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