Tennessee To Welfare Kids: Bad Grades = No Food

Funny story written by M Scarlet

Thursday, 31 January 2013

Everyone knows that I'm an extreme conservative. I'm the kind of conservative who listens to Ronald Reagan's speeches while watching Fox News at the gun range.

Today's hero of freedom is Tennessee's State Congressman Stacey Campfield. Stacey is the kind of man (you read that right! Totally a dude named Stacey) who has big ideas. One of his first big ideas was that AIDS in only a gay thing. He bucks medical authorities by going on record and saying something similar to "the odds of heterosexual vaginal transmission of AIDS are at 1 in 5 million."

His newest big idea is a piece of legislation he introduced called Senate Bill 0132. This plan would cut Welfare benefits by 30% for any family on Welfare whose children do not meet grade expectations. All I can say is, "It's about darn time we broke the cycle of entitlement!"

You might say, "Doesn't Welfare have a five year lifetime maximum?"

First off, this is my article and I do the talking. Second; yea, the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996 (a.k.a the Welfare Reform Act) signed by Bill Clinton and created by Newt Gingrich placed a cap on Welfare benefits at five years of the person's life. But all of these facts are missing the point. Stacey cares about kids. He wants to incent kids to rise above poverty and reach to the dizzying heights that he has reached of state politics. What better way to incent kids then by threatening their family's assistance check. It's kind of like if your boss came into the office and said "the employee survey says that morale is low. We are going to beat your family with batons until moral improves."

As of Nov 2012 the average family in Tennessee on Welfare had a monthly wage of $925.44, and the average monthly Welfare payment was $164.76. It is clear that the working poor are clearly living off those huge government subsidies. To Stacey's point there are 97,283 children and 36,658 adults on Welfare in his state. This translates to about three kids for each adult. I think if he wants to dock families if their kids get wrong answers it should also apply to politicians. If a politician says something that's not factual they get a 30% deduction from their pay.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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