Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 11 July 2006

image for Bush: US detainees to get last rites
Agents Orange at Guano Bay

Washington DC - (AssoCIAted Mess): The White House has ordered that all US military detainees are to be given the last rites, in compliance with President George Bush's interpretation of the Geneva invention and in accordance with the Department of Homeland Insecurity's understanding of the Inhuman Rights Act of 9/11.

The move comes after many months of public censure during which the Bush Administration was heavily criticised by its pioneering Skull 'N' Bones bag-men for failing to deal with over-population problems at the Pentagon's sharia-law compliant holiday camps in Cuba.

The new policy was prompted by military chiefs' admission that there was nothing more to squeeze out of the Guantanamo Bay inmates, despite many refinements on Pentagon-approved techiniques of intelligence gathering including standard torture, quasi-torture, advanced torture and compulsory viewing of Bush dynasty family holiday video nasties.

The President's spokesman Tony 'the Blizzard' Snow insisted that today's announcement was "not really a reverse of policy", but a preparation for the inevitable enforcement of the Rule of Law to which all foreign military detainees would be invited for a personal participation.

"Last week's supreme court decision was complex", he said, adding that efforts to mete out the last rites to detainees would be strictly according to individual religious beliefs.

"The President will still continue his campaign of suborning Congress until it complies with his policy of enabling military tribunals to proceed in processing these deviants behind closed doors and disposing of the ensuing cadavers in an ethical manner least likely to upset the Faux-News-watching American public.

"We are ot ruling out at this stage any inevitable use of herbicides containing trace amounts of the toxic dioxin contaminants previously used so effectively in Vietnam to exfoliate the indigineous population.

"However", he continued, "we want to fulfil the mandates of Justice Department Bonesmen and make sure we find a way properly to fry people who have been sucked off the battlefields who are not combatants in the traditional sense," he said.

The announcement is being studied by Bush-watching policy analysts on both sides of the Atlantic Bar and Grill.

In the UK soilcitors acting for the soon to be extradited 'NatWest Three' investment bankers were asking for urgent talks with the Foreign Office today as their clients prepare to join Taleban warlord inmates in Guantanamo Bay as part of their extradition arrangements in the forthcoming Enron-fleecing trial.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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