After watching a YouTube video of a Swedish bunny herding his master's sheep, local Washington, DC bully, Bugger Maloney's hamster named Chippy was reported to have herded the members of Congress into the Capitol to do something more than run their mouths and stop blaming each other.
Amazingly, the plan worked as all the members of Congress became united on blaming hamsters for everything that was wrong with the country and fucking up their golf games. They immediately passed a resolution to hold economic sanctions against hamsters. They, also, denied hamsters any unemployment benefits, just in case they have been claiming them already. A move that many detractors claim is a ploy by Congress to artificially deflate the nation's unemployment statistics.
The United States Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, weighed in with her observations by stating:
"Hamsters are now our biggest threat to Homeland security. If a hamster can herd all the members of Congress into the Capitol, they can force people to sit in cages, eat pellets and drink from Flatbac water bottles. To further protect our citizens from the terroristic nature of these hamsters TSA will now require all airline customers to go through a running wheel to ensure that they are not hamsters in disguise".
The actions of Congress and Homeland Security have not gone unnoticed. US Hopster Presidential Candidate Freddy the Frog stated as a paid speaker at Hamster University:
"This is a blatant violation of the US Constitution. If we don't put a stop to this now, then we are all in danger of having our rights taken from us. What will Congress do next? Take away our frog's logs? Kill our kitties scratching posts? Deny our rovers their bones? Hell, they have already taken our legs and given us dollies to roll around in. Just think hamsters, soon they will be taking away your running wheels!"
"We shall take Congress and Homeland security to court to overturn their demented jurisprudence and gain freedom for all. If we have to, we will go straight to Supreme Court to win this case".
Unfortunately for the hamsters and Freddy the Frog, when surveyed, all members of the US Supreme Court love eating frog legs.
