CDC and Homeland Security Deny Small mid Western Town Rampant With Zombie Virus

Funny story written by Dan Cun

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

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The CDC and Homeland Security are denying reports that the town of Firton, Nebraska has been "isolated and quarantined" after residents became infected with the Zombie virus currently sweeping across the United States.

Unconfirmed reports are claiming that the 2,000 residents of the small coal mining town have been told remain indoors while troops patrol the streets, armed with tranquilizing guns to stop those infected.

Symptoms of the virus include a hunger for raw meat, increased strength and energy, resilience to pain and a "zombie" like zoning out.

A relative of a Firton resident contacted a radio station in nearby Priston and said that her sister and her two children had been ordered indoors, that schools were closed and road blocks set up by police and army. She claimed that several residents were roaming the streets, attacking people, foaming at the mouth and trying to eat them - she said it was like something out of horror movie.

Firton is home to several families who have recently returned from Nigeria, and as reported here, Nigeria could be the location of the outbreak of the virus which has now infected over 3000 people across the country.

Meanwhile reporter John Keegan, who broke the story, here, over three weeks ago, about a potential link between the zombie outbreak in Miami, Nigeria and the Mayan Doomsday Prophecy has reportedly been sighted at a military type facility in Denver, under armed guard.

Meanwhile Homeland Security reaffirmed previous messages with the following statement: "There is no need for panic - this disease, though no longer contained is not spreading on a level that could be described as critical. We now acknowledge that events in Nigeria, Maryland, Canada, Texas and the two reported Zombie outbreaks in Miami may be connected. We assure the public that there is nothing to worry about. However, as a precautionary method, we are asking that people refrain from drinking tap water, venture outdoors and do not eat contaminated food. Anyone recently arriving to these shores from Africa, specifically Nigeria, to contact the CDC, their local physician or in the case of visitors the nearest military base that contains an isolation unit. Anyone having any physical contact with any such person should also do the same. We are also asking people not to travel to South Florida, Nebraska, Canada, Texas, Maryland and some parts of Alabama.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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