Crap Shortage Predictions Unfounded

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Thursday, 3 May 2012

image for Crap Shortage Predictions Unfounded
Renewable Electric Power Generation Fuel Producers

Washington DC: The US Department of Agriculture (USDA) has been funding renewable energy electric power generation utilizing the burning of chicken, pig and cow/steer manure in several farming states. Chicken, pig, cow/steer and other livestock manure is defined as Crap.

Environmentalists have complained about water pollution from Crap seeping into rivers, bays and waterways. Using Crap as a renewable source of power plant fuel eliminates this problem.

USDA indicates the pilot project facilities are ready to be transitioned to a massive building scale to satisfy the US needs for renewable sources of electrical power, other than wind or solar. Each individual Crap fired power plant generates only a small number of megawatts of electrical power. Thus, many Crap fired generators (Crap farms) would be co-located in farming states, near a large Crap source to increase power generation capacity.

Railroads would transport the necessary Crap to the Crap farms, to distributed power generation sites or from out-of-state farms with no Crap power plants of their own. Railroads are buying new covered Coal and Gondola cars to carry all the Crap to these new alternate energy generating facilities. Old railroad right-of-ways are to be refurbished and alternate energy Crap fired generating facilities sited at the end of these tracks.

Environmentalists also objected to building new electrical transmission lines to service Crap farms, which might infringe on the habitats of previously unknown small animals. The Department of Energy (DOE) indicates there is no need for new transmission lines, as existing lines are to be employed or the steel railroad tracks would be utilized as electrical conductors. Just like those old toy electric trains!

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) indicates that if the train car wheels are made of rubber and all Americans wear rubber shoes there should be no electrical hazard problems encountered.

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) indicates that if the Crap emissions are kept to a reasonable level and can pass the smell test that will suffice!

The USDA is encouraging farmers in Maryland, Iowa, Montana, and all other US farming states to increase production of chickens, pigs and steers/cows and other livestock to generate more Crap. A Crap shortage must be avoided to take advantage of this new "green" energy source.

Increasing the production of chickens, pigs, steers/cows and other livestock has PETA and various Vegan organizations very upset.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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