Tapping the power of the aurora

Funny story written by IainB

Friday, 9 March 2012

image for Tapping the power of the aurora
Forget converting sunlight into electricity, the Van Allen Belt already does this for us

Scientists at the Gillingham Institute for Gifted Geese have finally discovered how to tap into the last of the great green sources of electricity: aurorae.

"Every single day, several hundred million gigawatt of electricity are generated at both poles," said Simon Goose, head of research into research at GIGG. "The sun is constantly pouring pure electricity straight into our planet, and we are simply ignoring it."

Calculations done by the Media Studies PhD students have calculated that there is enough electricity deposited through the aurorae each day to power the world twice over.

"There are a couple of issues we have to overcome," said Goose. "The actual conversion of aurorae into usable electricity is a fairly trivial matter of hooking up a big magnet to the grid. The Van Allen belts have already converted some of the sun's energy directly into electricity already. However, getting the electricity from the poles to the rest of the world is a major headache as nobody wants all those wires trailing through their country, even if they're getting free electricity out of it."

The other problem is the major stumbling block to the whole project. Extracting the energy from the Aurora Borealis would result in the aurora ceasing it's eye catching display for ever.

The Finns have declared that they cannot allow access to the North Pole as the Aurora Borealis is a major tourist attraction, indeed, it is their only tourist attraction and generates two thirds of the country's income. The other third comes from rent off Santa Clause. They claim ownership of the Aurora Borealis as it appears to be mainly above their country.

"Other countries might be able to see it," said Jorg Nösepikka, minister for tourism in Finland, "but we own it. And nobody's taking it off us."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more