Teen Girl's Parents Sued By Girl's Own Dog

Funny story written by Jack Goff

Monday, 6 February 2012

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Fairdale Kentucky, USA - Jaime a 16 year old high school girl was walking her dog after she arrived home from school last Friday, February 3rd. According to Jaime and witnesses, Jaime's dog Jack became so excited that he ran out into the road in front of a Smart Car. One witness, a neighbor named Lucy told investigators, "She tried to stop the dog from running out into the street but she wasn't strong enough." Lucy continued by saying, "When that dog took off running toward the road and the leash was pulled tight, Jaime looked like she was on skis being pulled by a speedboat."

Blossom, the driver of the Smart Car after hitting the dog with her car pulled over to the side of the road to check on the dog's wellbeing. Fred Smith, another driver who witnessed the incident gave me the following statement, "I felt so sorry for that dog at first as I saw the Smart Car run into him but once I realized the dog was okay my attention focused on the young woman who did a face plant into the pavement after her dog jerked her off her feet." Fred Smith also stated, "The driver of the Smart Car actually stepped over top of the young woman as her face bled on the pavement. The driver ridiculed the young woman as she struggled to pick up her teeth that were knocked out during the fall."

Through my investigation I have found that Darryl Isaacs, a well known Louisville attorney has been hired by P.E.T.A. (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). It turns out the Blossom, the driver of the Smart Car is a local advocate for P.E.T.A. and she used her clout within the ranks of the animal rights organization to pick up the attorney fees for Jack the dog.

Darryl Isaacs filed a civil lawsuit this morning in Jefferson County Court with Jaime's father Chris, named as the defendant. Darryl Isaacs told reporters this morning the following, "It is unfortunate that we have to sue the father of this young woman instead of the girl who failed to maintain a safe environment for her dog." Jack's Attorney continued by saying, "Jaime's parents showed negligence by not making her gain enough weight to keep from being pulled off her feet by Jack. This gross negligence led to Jack's injuries and damage to Blossom's Smart Car that had to be towed from the scene."

Jack the dog is seeking financial compensation for his medical costs, pain and suffering, and damage to his studded collar in the amount of $175,000.

A spokesman for Allstate, who is the insurance provider for Blossom's Smart Car stated, "We certainly sympathize with the pain and suffering Jack the dog is going through, but we are planning to file a lawsuit against Jack the dog for the damages his direct actions caused to the Smart Car."

A Spoof News legal analyst told Spoof News this afternoon, "It is insane for Allstate to file a lawsuit against a dog, instead they will have to file the lawsuit against Jamie's dad."

I emailed Jaime in regards to all of this and finally late this afternoon we got an email back from her. The following excerpt is from her email.

"I can't believe that my father and I, are the ones being sued. This is ridicules, I'm the one who had my two front teeth knocked out by face planting on the pavement, I'm the one with a split lip, and I'm the one with a stupid dog that ran out in traffic. To be honest, I am thinking about suing my own dog when all of this is over."

Whichever side you believe, this case is going to be an interesting one that will likely captivate the small town of Fairdale Kentucky for weeks to come.

Jack Goff reporting from Fairdale Kentucky.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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