Written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 20 January 2012

image for Gingrich Not as Rich as Romney
"I am not a wealthy man".

Following a roller coaster news day yesterday replete with ex-wife jabs and tax return eye openers, Newt Gingrich is proving himself to the candidate who isn't as rich as rival Mitt Romney.

"I guess that could be taken in multiple ways", says political analyst for the Baltimore Tattler and former Republican National Committee Sub Chairman, Terry Peele. "I think Newt's second wife, the one that dropped the bomb yesterday, reduced his capital considerably".

That, and Gingrich only cleared about $3.1 million in income last year, making him a pauper compared to Romney who pulls in reportedly hundreds of millions from investment income.

Though Romney has tried to align himself with the common man by indicating in a recent interview that he too, "was unemployed", Gingrich attempts to deflect his own personal family value issues running as the conservative family values candidate. Both candidates have proven that they're not too bright and they're not financially challenged.

"It's a huge mess", says Peele. "I think Newt can defend all this bad press with a strong offense, some ex-wife name calling and convincing the public that three million really isn't that much, but its time to turn his ass over on the grill, stick a fork in him and call him done". Peele, economically positioned in the middle of the 99% salary range, expects Romney with all his flaws to win out in the end. "He's a good looking dude with a nice family, who happened to get really, really lucky with his business endeavors, the rat bastard".

The blustering and pontification is expected to continue as the remaining republicans in the primary attempt to prove that they are "just like every other average American". "Too late", says Peele.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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