Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 28 October 2011

image for Herman "The Pizza Bro" Cain Says That He Has Already Picked His Secretary of The Treasury
Mark "Smokey" Block, Herman Cain's chief of staff lighting up a cigarette. (Photo by Herman Cain).

CLEVELAND - Herman Cain's The I Just Be Chilaxin Bus Tour pulled into the city that sits on the banks of Lake Erie and is the home of the Cleveland Indians, The Cleveland Browns, and the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Cain spoke in the parking lot of a local sporting goods store named The Come On In And Take A Gander At Our Balls Sporting Goods Shop.

He told the assembled crowd estimated to be between 17 and 19 individuals that he wants to be president of the United States so bad he can taste it.

Someone asked him to explain his 9-9-9 tax policy. Cain shook his head and replied that he really and truly feels that he has explained it enough times already and wants to really move on to other important political topics.

"Hey Herman, watcha think about dee NBA Lockout brutha?" Someone hollered out.

"Hey Cain, do you think Peyton Manning will ever be the player he was before all of these three surgeries?"

And yet another yelled out, "Say Pizza Man, what exactly goes into the making of pepperoni's?"

Cain shook his head and replied that he did not come to Cleveland to talk about sports or even about pizza which is his favorite all-time favorite food which he likes even more than T-bone steaks and rib-eye steaks.

"Well then do tell us bro, what the hell did you waltz into Cleveland to talk about anyway?" Came the question from a very upset individual.

Cain replied that he had come into town to announce his choice for secretary of the treasury.

"Okay, fella, so who dat person be?" Came a shout from the back

Cain cleared his throat and remarked, "Ah dat be a no-brainer. Da answer ta dat question be Miss Oprah Winfrey."

A hush fell on the crowd. It was so quiet one could hear a pin drop. Agatha Flickette apologized for dropping the pin which became embedded in her grandmother Elvira Flonella Flickette's right ankle.

Herman then said that Miss Oprah is perfect for the job. He said, one, she no longer has a talk show so she has lots of free time.

Two da woman has been all over da world and so she pretty much knows most of da world leaders.

And three, she has tons and tons of money and if asked she would probably consider lending the United States government several million dollars.

The crowd started cheering "Oprah! Oprah! Oprah!" Cain smiled and told them dat he figured dat news would make dem all as happy as a two-peckered rooster in a hen house filled with dozens of chickens.

And with that Herman Cain got back on his bus and drove off into the Ohio sunset. He turned to his campaign Chief of Staff Mark "Smokey" Block who had just lit up a cigarette and said, "Mark, my boy, I sure am damn good ain't I?

"Yes sir Mr. Cain, you are damn [COUGH-COUGH] good!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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