Written by Lyndon

Friday, 7 October 2011

image for McChrystal: U.S. had simplistic view of Afghanistan, should've kicked ass like Genghis Khan did
If McChrystal had it to do again, he would've instituted "Operation Genghis 'Kick Ass' Kahn"

WASHINGTON, D.C.--Retired general Stanley McChrystal, who led the Obama administration's "surge" strategy in 2009, shared with the Council on Foreign Relations a harsh truth that sounded like an old song: America don't know much about history.

"We didn't know enough and we still don't know enough."

McChrystal, who has had more than enough time to read history books since being fired, said that the U.S. only needed to brush up on their 13th century history in order to draw up a plan for success in Afghanistan.

"In 1219, Genghis Khan instituted an effective invasion plan which consisted of the massive destruction of all the major cities. They stripped any and all fertile land of crops and reduced farms to ashes."

Asked by the Council if there was collateral damage during Kahn's invasion of Afghanistan, McChrystal replied, "Well, shitloads of people, innocents and otherwise, were slaughtered if that's what you mean."

The focus of the Council quickly shifted to the rebuilding process that took place afterwards.

"Well, if by 'afterwards' you mean the early 1500s," said McChrystal. "You see, Kahn did it right. He made all the cities and towns a part of the Mongol empire so that he and his descendents could pillage and exploit every useful resource for about three centuries.

"It wasn't until that softy, Babur, came along around 1500. A bit of a pussy, he was.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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