Survey Proves Surveys Prove Nothing

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

image for Survey Proves Surveys Prove Nothing
Exactly the kind of thing TheSpoof won't pay us for.

A new poll has thrown doubt on the results of thousands of surveys which claim to reflect the moods and tastes of the nation.

This latest survey, carried out by PollsRUs for EIF News & Features, questioned several local people and came up with some amazing statistics.

For example, when asked if they had ever been asked by MORI or YouGov whether they approved of the UK's membership of the European Union, 100 per cent of respondents said "no."

Asked whether they had ever been quizzed on their hair-care product preferences, 100 per cent of women polled answered, again, "no."

Perhaps most tellingly was the survey question "How many people do you know who's opinion on anything has ever been canvassed by an official body, public relations company, marketing operation, manufacturer or retailer?" 100 per cent of respondents said "none."

PollsRUs chief statistician Reg Pythagoras said: "These figures make for really interesting reading. Really interesting.

"We're still processing some responses, but I'm sure the full results will be very interesting indeed. We're very excited."

Here at EIF News & Features we have a terrific graphics department - Janice. However, the Spoof's number crunchers are so tight they won't pay us to use her talents, so apologies for the lack of neat little pie charts and graphs in this story.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more