Charity Fund For Deprived Pupils

Funny story written by grimbo

Saturday, 2 April 2011

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The Crodyon Trust educational charity is to take over the running of a fund aimed at helping disadvantaged children.

£125 million will be available to the Trust over the next 10 years, mainly in the form of government grants.

The fund will be mainly used to manage and administer innovative projects to boost the performance and self esteem of kids who struggle at under performing schools.

The first projects to be put in place were announced this morning by Crodyon Trust chief executive Lord Barstow-Dopplethwaite.

These include the provision of Ipods and other MP3 players for any children who don't already possess them. Because the funds available are less than previously anticipated, the devices will have to be dummies and, while there will not be any actual music files available, the fact that the schoolchildren will be wearing the headphones will inevitably boost their self esteem and reputation around the school.

A similar initiative to be carried out will be the issuing of dummy mobile phones - although these devices will not be live or linked to any mobile service provider, a tiny alarm will ring every half an hour to give the illusion that the holder actually has friends trying to keep in touch with them.

Finally, deprived kids will be provided with fake quilted padded jackets which, despite appearing to be genuine examples of the latest trend, will in reality be made from recycled cushion bed covers.

Lord Barstow-Dopplethwaite is "supremely confident that these measures will shore up deprived children's egos and make them feel better about themselves, leading to their receiving a better chance of progressing through the further education system.

If not, at least we've tried to help the little minks".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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