Written by grimbo

Sunday, 20 March 2011

image for Teenagers To Be Taught To Sleep

Despite the collective tightening of belts that is taking place the length and breadth of the country, resources are to be pumped into teaching youngsters how to get enough sleep.

The Children's Commissioner Professor Al Aynsley-Green is very concerned that not enough teenagers are getting the recommended 9 hours sleep every night due to the amount of time they spend online on social network sites or on their mobile phone texting their friends.

Other initiatives being considered by Professor Green include the introduction of a new initiative in schools called "How To End A Sentence With A Statement Not A Question". The Commissioner is particularly worried that the widespread practice of ending every sentence with a question is severely undermining children's self confidence if not their actual ability to make a decision on their own.

The final plank of Prof Green's "Way Ahead for Teenagers" focusses on young girls and is aimed at getting them weaned off the habit of screaming at the top of their voices and flapping their hands in front of their faces whenever they get their exam results.

The Children's Commissioner explained his concerns :

"I have a major issue with this particular form of behaviour.

"I fear that any girl who indulges in this activity over a long period of time will suffer from tennis elbow and repetitive strain injury in later life.

"Why can't they just go and get bladdered like we used to do?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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